i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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