Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
