Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
