So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
