Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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