we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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