a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
