While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
