to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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