I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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