I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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