He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
