I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Acid is not a monday night drug
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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