yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
