So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dick very happy bro
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
