I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
