I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
