Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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