you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
