I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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