the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
