I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
okay pat passed out under dana's car
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
