FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
