you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
