I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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