It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
