Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They have beer where we have blood.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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