Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
