So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
