it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
