I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
