you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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