I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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