and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize