she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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