I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
