If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
