May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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