ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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