thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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