Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
