i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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