Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
