Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
