I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They are going to name an STD after you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
