my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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