guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
