U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
