last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
