so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
