Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
