I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.