I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka