and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats