Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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