My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
