I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
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Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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