What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize