this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
