think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
