If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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