There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
