i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want a musical about memes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
