Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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