I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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