I wish you could order shots online.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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