it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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