How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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